Why Are Women Still Criticised for Looking Older?

This week, actress and radical age disruptor Mariann Aalda takes over The Weekly Crunch with a sharp, funny and thought-provoking question: what happens when a woman we once admired for her beauty dares to grow older in public? Apparently, not everyone is ready to applaud. Using the backlash against Jasmine Guy’s return to A Different World as her starting point, the actress and writer explores the ageism lurking behind our obsession with how women look as they get older. Why are women who were once celebrated for their beauty so often judged more harshly when time leaves its mark?

From the pleasure some people take in seeing former beauty queens age to the damaging habit of comparing ourselves with other women, Mariann challenges us to look beyond wrinkles and question our own assumptions. Because the way we judge other women today may well shape how we see ourselves tomorrow.

Her message? If we really want a different world for women as they age, the change has to start with us.

When Jasmine Guy returned to Hillman College in Netflix’s reboot of the hit sitcom A Different World, some so-called fans couldn’t wait to criticise her for “looking old.”

Seriously? Are we still doing this?

Because when I heard Whitley Gilbert was coming back, I squealed out loud, like a Hillman freshman on move-in day.

Whitley was a gift to us “Uppity Black Girls.” That pampered Southern belle who was forever “clutching her pearls” in righteous indignation in the late 1980s to early ’90s not only gave us a great comic heroine (okay, and sometimes a villain…but one who always got the lesson in her teachable-moment come-uppance), but she also gave us permission to be full of ourselves in all our bigness, boldness and badassery in the face of critics who said we were too big, too bold, too “full of ourselves.”

So on September 24th, exactly 39 years to the day after A Different World first aired on NBC, I was ready. The gang was back! Kadeem Hardison’s Dwayne is now Hillman’s provost. Cree Summer’s Freddie, Darryl M. Bell’s Ron and Glynn Turman’s Colonel Taylor are back on the yard as well, and Whitley has reinvented herself as a beauty mogul, with Whitley and Dwayne now divorced and their youngest daughter newly enrolled at their alma mater.

The show shot straight to No. 1 on Netflix in the U.S. Black excellence! Intergenerational storytelling with a cast spanning four decades! Pro-age nirvana, right?

Then I read the comments on social media: “She Looks Old!”

The Double Standard Behind Ageing and Beauty

That was the gist of it. People compared stills of 1987 Whitley to 2026 Whitley like they were mug shots – as if almost 40 years hadn’t passed. As if they hadn’t aged a day since they’d watched her from their dorm lounge futon.

But Jasmine, now 64, didn’t clap back. She didn’t drag anybody by name. She took the high road and gave us a teachable moment: “The internet can be brutal to women as we grow older,” she wrote on Instagram.

She called out the hypocrisy of a culture that tells us to celebrate getting older, then punishes us for every visible sign that we have. She admitted that not every change is easy, and then she rapped our knuckles with: “…beauty, style, and joy don’t have an expiration date.”

YESSSSS!!!! I wrote a whole CrunchyTales column on the fact that sexual desire has no expiration date. So, in kindredness of spirit, I salute her and say: “Preach, Jasmine…preach! I got’chu!!!”

And “The Sisterhood” showed up! Tina Knowles called her accomplished, beautiful and graceful. Tatyana Ali called her gorgeous and sent a crown emoji or three. Showrunner Felicia Pride stood right beside her.

The Homecoming Queen Tariff: When Beauty Becomes a Burden

But here’s the thing. Jasmine Guy wasn’t getting dragged because she’s 64. Plenty of 64-year-old actresses go about their business without a pile-on. She was getting dragged because she’s Whitley – because she’s the one we all envied.

Go to any 30th class reunion and watch who the room is waiting for. Not the valedictorian. Not the one most likely to succeed – it’s the homecoming queen, the head cheerleader, the girl all the boys swooned over and who all the other girls shot daggers at…when they weren’t trying to be her best friend.

And the first thing whispered when she walks in is “Girl, did you see her?”

Did she put on weight? Did the face fall? Did the hair thin? We call it “catching up.” Let’s be honest about what it really is: inspection. The plain girl who “aged well” gets applause. The pretty girl who aged at all gets raked over the coals.

Oh, Come On! What Is Wrong With People?

Ageism, Envy and the Pleasure of Seeing Others Age

The Germans have a word for it: schadenfreude, the pleasure we take in someone else’s misfortune. Psychologist Richard H. Smith, who wrote a whole book on it called The Joy of Pain, found that it’s strongest when we envied the person first. The higher she sat on the pedestal, the sweeter it feels to watch her slip.

But I think there’s more to it. Beauty is an advantage we see as unearned. Nobody resents the valedictorian for getting old; she studied. But the pretty girl? We gripe that she got the easy pass, the free drinks, the boyfriend, the benefit of the doubt. So, when time finally catches up with her, some part of us rejoices: “See? The Universe evened the score!”

We’ve all been indoctrinated to see beauty as currency – and for women to see each other as competition for a limited supply of attention. In that economy, when the beauty queen’s stock drops, it feels like ours rises. And for Black women, there’s an extra twist: we grew up on Black don’t crack – a “compliment” that’s practically an obligation. Show up looking your age and folks act like you broke a damn promise.

How Judging Other Women Reinforces Ageism

Here’s what my years as a hypnotherapist have taught me. Our gloating isn’t really about the pretty girl, it’s about us. Every “did you see her?” gives us a little anxiety relief, a way of telling ourselves, “at least I’m not the only one.” But here’s the rub: the subconscious doesn’t care who a criticism is aimed at. Mock another woman’s crow’s feet and sagging jawline today, and you’ve just pre-recorded the voice that’s gonna mock yours tomorrow.

Beautiful women are held to a higher standard as they age. While they get measured against their old yearbook photos, the rest of us get measured against “average.” We grade them on a curve that only bends one way: down.

Is It a Different World for Women as They Age?

Is it a different world? In some ways, sure. Forty years ago, a 64-year-old Black woman co-leading the No. 1 show on Netflix would have been a fantasy. And the exemplary sisterhood that rushed to Jasmine’s defence is progress as well. But as long as we’re still holding up “then” photos against “now,” ageism hasn’t graduated…it’s still matriculating.

Stop Measuring Women Against Their Younger Selves

And if you were the homecoming queen? Baby, keep your crown on! Beauty was never the only thing you had going for you. It was just the first thing people noticed.

And for the rest of us, well, I keep coming back to Michael Jackson’s timeless hit, Man in the Mirror. His whole point was that if you want to change the world, you don’t start “out there” – you start with the person staring back at you.

So the next time you catch yourself thinking “Did you SEE her?” – whether it’s about a movie star or the popular girl from third-period algebra – remember that the one who needs to change isn’t her. Take a long, loving look at the woman in your mirror. Ask what that face has lived, not what it has lost.

And remember: if you stop grading everyone else on that one-way curve, you’ll stop grading yourself on it, too. That’s what my mantra of being AgeFULL™ is all about.

So, start with the woman in the mirror, my sisters! And I don’t just mean my melanin kin, I mean alla y’all – ’cause that’s the only way we will truly get a different world. To paraphrase a familiar inspirational hymn: “Let there be an end to ageism on earth…and let it begin with me.”

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