Midlife Crushing: A Delicious Distraction (Not Just For Summer)

Remember those heart-pounding days of stolen glances and whispered crushes? It turns out, those butterflies in your stomach aren’t exclusive to teenagers.

In fact, midlife crushes can be just as delightful, adding a sprinkle of magic to our everyday routines.

However, if in the past a floppy haircut and a winning smile were enough to earn “crush” status, now, we crave a little more substance. Sure, the barista at your favourite haunt who looks like a real-life Dr McDreamy might send your heart aflutter for a moment, but it fades as quickly as the morning latte.

The real sparks fly with those who ignite our minds as well as our emotions. Maybe it’s the school teacher whose witty banter keeps a room full of kids enthralled, or the insightful bookstore employee who steers you towards hidden literary gems. Perhaps it’s the seasoned musician who gives guitar lessons to your child. These connections, both intellectual and emotional, are the hallmarks of a midlife crush, fleeting moments of joy that brighten our days.

Crushes aren’t just limited to teenagers

It has been found by University of New Brunswick (Canada) psychologist Lucia O’Sullivan and her team that crushes are not limited to just adolescents. Adults of any age can experience crushes, even if they are in a committed relationship and fully dedicated to their partner. To further explain, O’Sullivan and her colleagues describe a crush as an unreciprocated attraction towards someone that the individual has no plans of expressing or pursuing. This sets crushes apart from other forms of romantic interest, like mutual infatuation or attachment.

But if crushes turn out to be a timeless pleasure, why do we suppress this natural spark as we get older? Many women worry about societal judgment. The image of the “cougar” preying on younger men has been ingrained for far too long. Others simply think it takes too much effort to go back to those flirty games.

Thankfully, this narrative is shifting. We’re moving away from the notion that women of a certain age shouldn’t express their desires. Sexuality isn’t reserved for the young! Today’s women are embracing their sensuality and reclaiming their right to feel those butterflies.

It has been found by University of New Brunswick (Canada) psychologist Lucia O’Sullivan and her team that crushes are not limited to just adolescents. Adults of any age can experience crushes, even if they are in a committed relationship and fully dedicated to their partner. To further explain, O’Sullivan and her colleagues describe a crush as an unreciprocated attraction towards someone that the individual has no plans of expressing or pursuing. This sets crushes apart from other forms of romantic interest, like mutual infatuation or attachment.

But what if you want to take advantage of summer and move from a platonic crush to a summer flirt?

Being a fabulous flirt at 50 

Flirting in your forties and fifties isn’t about chasing after a twenty-something playing beach volleyball. It’s a subtler art form, one that relies on confidence, wit, and the quiet hum of shared experience. However, before going all-in on a midlife summer flirt, it’s important to remember these “summer connections” might not reflect a long-term relationship. Once the routine of fall sets in, so might the reality of incompatibility.

So, by all means, flirt away! But keep it light, savour the playful energy of the season, and remember, true happiness often lies in nurturing what you already have or focusing on self-discovery rather than seeking external validation.

Here are some tips to own your summer flirt and reignite that playful spark:

·       Embrace the Sunshine: Summer is all about shedding layers, both literally and figuratively. Wear clothes that make you feel good, a splash of colour, a hint of something unexpected. It’s not about looking like you’re trying too hard, but rather letting your inner glow shine through.

·       Reclaim the Playground: Remember the carefree flirting of your youth? Reconnect with that playful energy. Strike up a conversation at a farmers market, play in a padel match, or take a salsa class under the stars. Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to unexpected connections.

·       Conversation is Key: Flirting isn’t just about looks (though a genuine smile goes a long way!). Ask thoughtful questions, share funny anecdotes, and be an active listener. Summer is a great excuse to talk about travel plans, weekend adventures, or simply the perfect way to grill a burger.

·       Confidence is the New Black: Let’s be honest, a little self-assurance is sexy at any age. Hold your head high, make eye contact, and own your presence. You’ve built a life, you know who you are, and that’s magnetic.

·       Keep it Light (and Respectful): A midlife flirt is about rediscovering joy, not re-entering the drama of high school. Keep things lighthearted, playful, and respectful of boundaries. Let the connection unfold organically.

·       The Power of “And”: Married or partnered? A summer flirt isn’t about betrayal, it’s about adding a dash of flirtatious energy back into your life. It can be a reminder of your own magnetism and a celebration of human connection.

It’s a chance to rediscover your playful side, share a smile with someone new, and maybe even create a summer memory that will bring a smile to your face long after the tan fades. So, put on your metaphorical sunscreen, step out into the sunshine, and flirt like nobody’s watching (because chances are, they’re probably flirting too).