What Keeps Midlife Women Awake At Night

There’s a peculiar silence that clings to the hours of the night when midlife women lie awake. It’s not the absence of sound but a hum—of thoughts, regrets, desires, hot flushes and unspoken dreams. This hour calls to everyone, urging a restless heart to reflect on a life partly lived and an uncertain future.

What keeps midlife women awake at night? Perhaps it is the haunting refrain of “not yet.” Not yet traveled to that dreamed-of place. Not yet written that book, sung that song, or dared that risk. In the quiet of the night, there’s a moment of reflection—taking stock of promises made, losses endured, and the things that have been forgotten and a mature body that demands rest, peace, care.

Awake at Night: Navigating the Restlessness of Midlife

For some, it’s the echo of voices: children now grown, lovers who left, parents who no longer speak or breathe. For others, it may be because financial problems or the stark realization that they’ve spent decades tending to everyone else’s fires but have let their own hearth grow cold.

“I’m 62 now, and this line struck me deeply – says Rosa F., a CrunchyTales’ reader from Chicago- I spent so many years taking care of my family, my career, and everyone else around me, and now I see how much of myself I set aside. I know I still have time to tend to my own fire, to dream again, but it feels different now. There’s a weight to it, and sometimes I’m so exhausted that I can’t sleep“.

The night is a cruel auditor, asking questions that daylight, in its busyness, allows them to avoid. But sometimes this sleeplessness may also a result of hormonal changes associated with menopause, psychological stressors, and various health conditions. Research indicates that 40-60% of middle-aged women report sleep disturbances, with insomnia being particularly prevalent during perimenopause.

“It’s not just the restless thoughts. It’s the hot flushes that come out of nowhere and leave me tossing and turning – explains Bridget R., a nurse from London- It’s as if my body has its own clock, keeping me awake just when I need rest the most. And yet, in those quiet, overheated hours, I find myself thinking about my life in ways I never do during the day. Maybe the night—and even these hot flushes—are trying to tell me something.”

On the other hand, even an overactive bladder may be in the way, significantly affecting the quality of sleep and overall health of midlife women, too.

“I can get to sleep, but give it a couple of hours and I’ll be up to the loo – shares Janet G.R. on our Fb Group– I try not to drink a couple hours before bed and go to the loo beforec I settle down”.

The Night as a Truthful Companion

As exhausting as it feels, however, I prefer to consider this sleepless time not a punishment—but rather a calling. A calling to take care of our health and our souls.

The night tells the truth. It’s in these nocturnal hours that the soul asks: “Who are you now?” Not who you were at 20 or 30, not the version of yourself you show at work or at PTA meetings. Who are you, stripped of titles and roles? And perhaps more importantly, who do you wish to be? Are you looking after yourself? Are you still having fun?

I believe the soul often speaks in symbols during daytime. The unfinished painting in the closet. The journal tucked away, The neglected guitar leaning in the corner, the yoga mat rolled up and dusted. But actually, these are not relics of a past self; they are road signs to the future. In the restless night, the soul asks us to remember. Not with nostalgia but with a sense of possibility.

Listening to the Soul’s Symbols

Why does this matter? Because the soul’s whisper is the map to freedom. To ignore it is to drift further from ourselves, to wake one day as strangers in our own skin. Midlife is not the end—it is the bridge between what was and what could still be. The night, though it may feel like an enemy, is a companion in this journey. It presses us to ask:

• What do you truly want?
• What are you no longer willing to carry?
• What sets your heart alight?
• What if you’ll start looking after yourself?

To find our soul at night is to engage with these questions bravely. It is to recognize that the sleeplessness isn’t merely insomnia—it’s an invitation. The soul is calling us to rewrite our story, to light a new path with the embers of old dreams, an invitation to self-care.

Midlife as a Bridge, Not an End

When we sit with these questions, something shifts. The restless energy of the night transforms into something tender and hopeful. We start to see that midlife is not a reckoning of failure but a reclamation of self. And in those quiet hours, when the world feels asleep but your soul is wide awake, you begin to understand: the night isn’t here to haunt you. It’s here to heal you.

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