Love at first cash: how money impacts relationships

We might believe in “love conquering all” but money really does matter when you are in a relationship. It’s because of the expectations that come with it and the way it dictates not only what you can do with your life, but what your limitations are as a couple.

The cash factor

According to a recent survey conducted by Shepherds Friendly Society, 36.1% of women think money plays a part in how attractive they find a partner. This is especially true for women in their 50s (41.1%) and over 60s (48%). Why?

Traditionally, men have been seen as providers for the family – said Becky Spelman, psychologist and relationship expert-. Consciously or subconsciously, a woman sometimes still looks for indications that a man would be able to care for her and possibly, her children too.

So money still masters relationships or is a relevant charming factor. It can be either a source of destruction or a source of creativity. No doubt, it’s a source of power, and when one partner stays home or is not the primary wage earner, that person’s self-esteem can suffer if he or she has no personal money or control over joint funds. Thinking long-term, for this reason, 92,3% of women believe it’s important to save for their own future compared with men (89,7%).

“Obviously, there are lots of practical reasons why saving money makes sense – Becky Spelman said- but this is also an emotion-laden point of view. Knowing that we have some money set aside for a rainy day makes us feel more comfortable, at ease, and ready to take a risk. These are all factors that most of us also find attractive in a potential partner, too”.

Save your money, secure your love

Love and compatibility are important, but disagreements over money can stop even the best relationship. Having debt can add pressure to any marriage or relationship and once your able to clear money owed it is important to save. Being aware of how it affects the couple can help you handle both your finances and your romances in a way that helps keep that interest going.

When you’re in a relationship, honesty and transparency are the keys. You don’t need to reveal your salary on a first date, but if you’re getting serious with someone, you need to be able to talk about things like long-term financial goals, short-term obligations and who will pay for what. Reading the survey, only 13.3% of women and 9.1% of men agreed salaries are personal information not to be shared with partners.

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s normal to want to keep our cards close to our chest- said Spelman– However, if a couple is thinking of getting serious, such as moving in together or getting married, it is important to be able to share vital information that is relevant to them as a unit. The amount of money a couple has at their disposal is key to making joint decisions and when someone feels that they can’t share information about their income with the person they love, it is probably time to assess the relationship.

Never keep records of who paid what in a relationship. When you’re first dating, splitting the bill or offering to pick up the tab is a nice way of showing you appreciate the person you’re with. But when a relationship becomes an account of who owes what, you’re in trouble. Relationships are about give, take and compromise. If you’re just starting out with someone and they’re keeping an eye on every bill you ever paid, that won’t do much to encourage a feeling of affection.

A good way to solve financial issues with couples is by doing the maths and, if possible, putting in the same percentage of your salaries toward all bills. This ensures you are both contributing fairly, regardless of what you both earn. This will help you plan a future together and ensure financial transparency.

In the end, taking better care of your money is your responsibility, with or without a special person next to you. Use that motivation as inspiration to start getting smarter about your finances. There are a lot of ways a person can contribute to a relationship besides financial support: just try and see the value in the other things your partner do. Yet again, money alone won’t make your relationship last, because money shouldn’t matter when it comes to true love.