How Big Is Your Playground? Midlife Reimagined

It was two years ago when I realized it was time for me to reach back to a passion that I had left during my college years. I wanted to become a ballet dancer.

Please read that in a whisper tone. I mean, who decides to become a ballet dancer at age 63?

As a writer and speaker about what our third act of life can be about I had numerous times spoken these words to my audience, “What is waiting in the wings at this point in your life? What have you put on the back burner or maybe so far back in the corners of your soul that you forgot it was ever there?”

Midlife Reimagined: Embracing a Long-Lost Dream

For me it was ballet. Surprisingly, I was able to put my hands on my ballet shoes from forty years ago. I am a saver–no Swedish Death Cleaning here– but this seemed like a fairy godmother turn. I slipped on the dirty pink shoes and in a Cinderella moment I could glimpse the dancer I had dreamed to be. The curtain had officially been pulled back. A YouTube channel became my daily private studio. My kitchen counter the barre. My secret was safe with me. I told no one of my rekindled lost love.

A few months of clandestine dancing in my kitchen and it was time to get serious. I discovered a dance studio in my community that was starting adult lessons–the same studio where I had taken lessons in college.

The studio appeared frozen in time–the steep red linoleum stairway, the smell of wood and sweat, pastel walls with cracking plaster, all felt familiar. The studio and I were both showing our age which added to my comfort. Joining my classmates in front of the floor to ceiling mirrors was a bit shocking. Our honest and good natured quips and giggles softened our fears.

It’s now been eighteen months of climbing the red stairs to the studio two nights a week. I am happy to tell anyone who will listen what a gift ballet has been for me.

In the midst of real life–caregiving and saying goodbye to elderly parents, remodeling our home, welcoming our first two grandchildren–ballet has been that piece of my calendar just for me. My strength, my balance, and my posture are peaking. I have new friends in their 30s, 40s, and 50s.

We were all cast in the dance studio’s production of The Nutcracker last Christmas. Of course, we were the upstage party-goers gushing over the young ballerinas, but we were still on stage and livening up the ballroom scenes with our dancing.  Experiencing the rehearsals, costumes, make-up, lights, and audience became the moment when my dream was no longer waiting in the wings.

It became the moment I could now say, “I’m a dancer.”

Which Playgrounds Would You Like to Explore at Midlife?

So what are you waiting for? What is waiting in the wings for you? It may not be ballet, but it could be something similarly hiding in a corner of your soul. Give yourself some time to ponder, to journal, to talk with friends. Challenge each other. Keep each other accountable.

My friend, Laurel, has always been a music fan. She is the one who is always standing for the entire concert and feeling the beat down to her feet. Her first 45 rpm vinyl at the age of 8 was There Goes My Baby by the Shirelles.

Next she embraced soft rock and Carole King like so many of us 70s kids. As a young adult living in San Francisco she fell in love with the disco scene at all the clubs. R & B and smooth jazz were next for Laurel–including 15 cruises where she danced the night away to both genres.

After a thirty year corporate career as an account manager she decided to work a “fun” job at a local wine tasting room.  Laurel brings her dancing energy to wine education. Six years ago she discovered a new genre of music–K-pop.

“I wasn’t looking for something new, I saw BTS on Good Morning America and it made me so happy and the singers were so cute and such good dancers, so very charming. I told myself – I need to learn more about them.”

Laurel found something waiting in the wings of her playground and jumped in with both feet. She recently was in the front row at a K-Pop concert and suddenly realized that everyone around her was chatting about having to go to school the next day. She was embarrassed for a moment but then just laughed at herself.

Laurel explains,”K-pop has brought so much joy to my life. Most of the music is happy. It made me want to get up and dance again. It brought me to a new community. Made me feel younger. The dancing brings back the old days of disco for me. I’m dancing with abandon.”

At age 67 Laurel describes K-pop as a gift, an awakening, a new thrill.

How big a playground do you want?

I write in my book about a wise mentor I had during my early nursing career. She asked me this, “How big a playground do you want?” It was at a time when I was trying to decide whether or not to accept a new position.

I have repeated that question to myself many times as new opportunities arise or when life feels stagnant. The depth and breadth of my playgrounds through the years have made for an interesting life, for which I am grateful. I think Laurel would agree.

Are you already planning for limitations of your “playgrounds” in your next decade due to aging?  We often talk about “down-sizing” as we age. I recently read an architectural magazine that talked about “fun-sizing” our homes in our third act of life.

How about choosing “fun-sizing” in as many areas of your life as you can? Play will win the day. (I think I may need a bowl of fun-size candy bars on my desk as a constant reminder!)

We used this concept in our home remodel recently as we added a swim spa indoor pool, an amazing stereo system, and a festive bar.

Hosting friends for leisurely evenings is our goal–maybe some dance parties.

How about you? Are you feeling stagnant and keep riding the same old merry-go-round? You can expand your life by expanding your playground–not only through the activities or causes you choose–or the music you listen to– but also through the new relationships you’ll make along the way.

How about an art class, a summer camp, or local fundraising campaign? Choices like this will draw you in and help you sketch new ways of playing in this next decade of life.

As I move on to my next birthday, and the one after that and the one after that, I am going to ask myself, “What is waiting in the wings of my playground this year?” I invite you to do the same. So many surprises and so much playing ahead.