Help! Why I’m Suddenly Jealous of Younger Women?

4 min read

When Janet Thompson, 58, an event manager from London, walked into her office one morning to find a new colleague in her thirties sitting at the desk next to hers, she suddenly experienced a complex mix of emotions she hadn’t anticipated.

For the first time, she experienced jealousy towards a younger woman.

“I found myself feeling unexpectedly unsettled,” she admits to CrunchyTales. “Here was someone with fresh ideas, tech-savvy skills, and yes, youth on her side. But what surprised me most was realizing these feelings had more to do with my own self-perception than with her.”

If you are a mature woman, you have probably experienced something similar. Janet’s experience reflects a phenomenon that some women over 50 may encounter in both professional and social settings: it’s something that stems from deeper insecurities and a fear of becoming invisible in a youth-centric society.

If you feel the same, note that there are ways to improve your confidence.  This article aims to provide guidance and support to those struggling with jealousy towards younger women. We’ll explore the triggers and root causes of this emotion, and offer practical strategies to overcome it.

Understanding Jealousy Towards Younger Women

Sometimes jealousy towards younger women can creep when you at least expect it and often is the result of negative self-talk and comparison. 

“Part of the reason we feel badly about feeling envious is that along with the desire to have what someone else has, we also feel like destroying them, or at least we want to damage both their good feelings and whatever it is that they possess that we believe is making them feel good”, explains F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist, teacher, and author in private practice in New York City.”This is usually, although not always, not a conscious desire; but it is a powerful unconscious emotion that does nothing to help us feel better about ourselves. For women, there is the added feeling that we are being unfeminine, unlovable and unattractive (funny how often those ideas go together) by having these angry, antagonistic and potentially hurtful feelings towards someone else”.

A study published in 2020, focused on discussing how body satisfaction and self-esteem among older women are influenced by self-objectification, notes that midlife women often engage in upward comparisons with younger peers, which can negatively impact their self-esteem.

Jealousy of younger women often comes from the perception that your own presence is no longer as valued or acknowledged as it used to be and also highlight unmet desires or goals. It also may reflect a longing for opportunities perceived as slipping away in terms of career prospects, freedom, or the energy to pursue new endeavours.

“I used to walk into a room and feel like people noticed me,” continues Janet, “Now, it feels like I’ve faded into the background, while younger women effortlessly command the spotlight.“

This sense of invisibility isn’t just about physical beauty, though, it’s also tied to how society often sidelines older women, particularly in spaces like the workplace, media, and even social settings. As a result, mature women may feel overlooked, despite the wealth of insight and value they still bring to the world.

These feelings can create a cycle where the natural charm of younger women, which might otherwise be admired, becomes a source of envy and frustration. 

Recognizing this dynamic is a crucial step in breaking the pattern and reclaiming your space and sense of worth.

The Impact of Ageing and Societal Pressures on Women’s Jealousy

Persistent media emphasis on youthful beauty can creates unrealistic standards and perpetuates age-related anxiety.

Psychologists at Stanford University who study female relationships across age groups, explain that what’s often labeled as “jealousy” is frequently misunderstood: women’s responses to younger generations are deeply rooted in societal pressures and internalized messages about aging, rather than actual animosity toward younger women, 

Also, a 2023 study published in the Journal of Adult Development surveyed 1,200 women aged 50-75 and found that 67% reported experiencing moments of discomfort when interacting with younger women in professional settings. However, the same study revealed that these feelings were strongly correlated with societal ageism and media representation rather than personal antipathy.

Strategies to Overcome Jealousy 

Addressing jealousy requires a thoughtful approach tailored to your needs. Each individual experiences envy differently, so strategies must be personalized. 

Here are some practical tips that according to experts can pave the way for handling these emotions positively. 

• Self-reflection: Spend time understanding personal triggers and root causes.
• Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, recognizing that everyone has insecurities and cultivate a positive mindset.
• Gratitude: Focus on what you appreciate in life and your achievements, this can lead can lead to a more content and fulfilling life.
• Mindfulness: Stay present and avoid dwelling on past grievances or future worries.Mindfulness exercises, such as meditation, can also be transformative.
• Redefine Beauty: Challenge societal norms by embracing a broader definition of beauty. For example, you can find inspiration on mature models and influencers on social media who celebrated their wrinkles and gray hair.
• Connect Across Generations: Building relationships with younger women can shift feelings of jealousy into admiration and mentorship. Sharing your experiences can be mutually beneficial and create a sense of empowerment for both parties.
• Invest in Self-Care: Physical activity, hobbies, and self-care routines can boost confidence and make you feel radiant, regardless of age.

Instead of internalizing societal biases, remind yourself that presence and visibility come from confidence and self-assurance, not just youth. 

The Path to Empowerment

The key is understanding that different life stages bring different strengths and women in their 50s and beyond often possess emotional intelligence, wisdom, and problem-solving abilities that come only with experience. 

Recognizing your individuality is vital in combating jealousy. So, rather than comparing yourself to someone else, focus on what makes you stand out. Your journey, with its triumphs and trials, has shaped you uniquely.

Jealousy is a natural human emotion, but it doesn’t have to define your experience. 

As Janet Thompson finally discovered after working with her younger colleague for several months, “What started as discomfort evolved into one of the most rewarding professional relationships I’ve had. We each bring different strengths to the table, and together, we’re far more effective than either of us would be alone.“

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