Embracing My Truth: Being the Other Woman at 50

When people hear the term “other woman”, they often think of a mistress, a homewrecker, or someone unhappy and unfulfilled. But as someone who has been in this position for a while, I can confidently say that being the other woman at 50 does not automatically equate to a life of misery and regret. 

I am happy and content with my life, and I believe that this situation has played a significant role in my journey towards empowered living.

Of course, I have dealt with feelings of guilt, shame, and self-doubt in the past. I have questioned my actions and wondered if I was doing the right thing. I have also faced judgment and criticism from others, which only added to my internal struggles, and spent periods of loneliness (especially during Christmas holidays).

But despite the stigma and personal challenges, several years after my marriage finished, I have found contentment experiencing the other role, also because I’ve always taken the relationship as it is: a part-time fling. 

I soon started to curate an incredible sexy underwear collection (primarily for myself), hit the gym more regularly, feeling daring, more provocative and mischievous. A part of me I’ve never experienced before.

Being the other woman and embracing my choices

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say cheating is the pathway to midlife awakening, but having been the other woman for a while, I can understand the thrill of it. 

I know the way I feel with a married man. I feel free, free from any particular commitment, free to explore steamy sex. You might say I could find the same with another single man but, you know, the forbidden fruit is obviously the most tempting one and because you can’t see each other as often as you want, every moment becomes very special.

But you need to be strong, confident and very independent. It’s not a role for the faint-hearted. It should be clear to you from the early beginning that this kind of relationship is temporary. Otherwise, your life will soon turn into hell and your life will revolve around a mobile phone. 

As a seasoned lady, with lots of experience under my belt, I know that commonly in affairs, no matter what the married person says about his marital dissatisfaction, he has many compelling reasons to stay, kids or painful expensive time-consuming divorce are one of those.

Focusing on the present and prioritising your own happiness is something that might help. In the past, I often used to put others’ needs and wants before my own, which left me feeling unfulfilled and resentful. But in this relationship, I have learned to prioritize myself and make choices that are best for me, confirming even more that marriage is not for me.  I know I need my space, my time, my secrets.

Taking control of my own happiness

I don’t expect anything from him but fun. I have rejected the idea that I need to be in a traditional, monogamous relationship to be happy. I have also challenged the notion that a woman’s worth is tied to her relationship status. I am not dependent on anyone else to make me happy, and I am not defined by my relationship. I have the power to live life on my own terms. 

Of course, like in any relationship, communication is key and this is especially true in a non-traditional one like mine. Setting boundaries is crucial in this case and having clear expectations for my relationship helped me maintain a sense of respect and understanding for each other while keeping me grounded. I don’t expect to be anyone’s Valentine. I don’t need him to leave his wife or kids. I’m whole and celebrate love every time, especially self-love.

Conclusion

Being the other woman is not always easy, and it certainly comes with its own set of challenges. But for me, it has also been a journey towards empowered living and finding contentment in my own choices and happiness. Sometimes I wonder if having to struggle for something you want doesn’t make it more valuable.

*This real-life story has been collected by our writer Amy Spencer and doesn’t reflect her own opinion

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