Building Self Advocacy in Midlife

There was a time when I didn’t even know what “self advocacy” meant, let alone how much I needed it in my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t have opinions or needs; I just thought, somehow, that keeping peace was the best option.

But now, in my 50s, I’ve come to realize that advocating for myself is not just helpful—it’s essential. There’s something about this phase of life that opens your eyes to the stakes of staying quiet. Maybe it’s the realization that time is limited, or that the world isn’t necessarily going to grant you the respect or opportunities you deserve without a little nudge. Whatever the reason, I’m learning that I don’t have to sit back and accept the default. And neither do you.

Learning self-advocacy is a bit like learning a new language—it’s awkward and uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve spent years prioritizing harmony over honesty.

To get started, I looked for low-stakes situations where I could practice speaking up. It might sound silly, but I’d start by voicing an opinion on where to go for dinner or offering feedback in a meeting when I’d normally just nod along. Gradually, I started to push myself to say what I thought even if I was nervous about the reaction.

With time, it became less scary, and I realized that the worst-case scenario was never as bad as I’d feared. In fact, people often respected me more for being honest and assertive. Starting small was key because it helped me build the courage to advocate for myself in bigger, more significant moments.

One of the areas where I really struggled with self-advocacy was in healthcare. I can’t tell you how many times a doctor brushed off my questions or minimized my symptoms with a vague, “Oh, that’s normal for your age.” I’d leave the appointment feeling deflated, like I was somehow silly for asking. But after one too many unsatisfactory visits, I decided enough was enough.

Now, I do my research ahead of time. I look up symptoms, read about different treatment options, and even bring notes or a list of questions. When I’m in the doctor’s office, I make sure I get the answers I need—and I don’t let myself get brushed off so easily. It’s not about distrusting professionals; it’s about being informed and feeling confident enough to speak up.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned about self-advocacy is also that it often involves setting boundaries. Now, when someone asks something of me, I give myself a moment to consider whether it aligns with my priorities or whether it’s just going to add unnecessary stress.

If it’s the latter, I say “no” with confidence—and without guilt. Surprisingly, people are more understanding than I expected. It turns out that people respect clear boundaries and the self-respect that comes with them.

Sometimes, trusting that you deserve something better is the most difficult part. Somewhere along the line, many of us have internalized the idea that putting ourselves last is a virtue, that speaking up is “selfish,” or that our needs are somehow less valid. But the truth is, we deserve to take up space. We deserve to be heard, respected, and valued. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.

Of course, becoming a self-advocate in midlife isn’t about becoming demanding or outspoken overnight. It’s about recognizing your own worth and making choices that support your well-being and fulfillment. Yes, it can be uncomfortable at first, and yes, you’ll probably stumble a few times. But every small step toward speaking up is a step toward a fuller, more authentic life.

To every woman out there who’s stayed quiet, who’s let her needs go unheard: there’s still time to find your voice. It’s not too late. And I promise you—it’s a gift worth giving yourself.

Like this post? Support Us or Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox!