Are You in a Sexless Marriage? Here’s What You Need to Know

4 min read

Marriage is a beautiful journey, filled with love, companionship, and shared experiences. But what happens when the physical intimacy fades away? For many women, especially those over 50, this is a common, though often unspoken, issue.

A “sexless marriage” is usually defined as a relationship where a couple engages in sexual activity fewer than ten times a year. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. But understanding why it happens and what you can do about it can make all the difference.

What the Research Says

The issue of sexless marriages among older adults is more common than one might think. According to a 2022 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, about 26% of people aged 50 to 79 reported that they had not had sex in the past year. The study also found that women were more likely than men to be in a sexless marriage, with nearly 30% of women in this age group reporting no sexual activity compared to 22% of men.

Also, a 2023 survey conducted by the National Poll on Healthy Aging revealed that 41% of adults aged 50 to 80 have experienced a decline in sexual activity over the past decade, with many citing health issues, stress, and lack of interest as primary reasons.

However, the same survey highlighted that while sexual activity may decline, the desire for intimacy and connection remains strong, indicating that couples may seek other forms of closeness when sexual activity decreases.

Understanding the Causes Of Sexless Marriage

If your marriage lacks sexual intimacy, the first step is to decide together if it’s a concern. Ultimately, only you and your partner can determine if a reduced or absent sex life is impacting your relationship.

There’s no universal standard for how often a couple should have sex. What truly matters is whether you both feel emotionally and physically connected and satisfied with your marriage.

Remember, every relationship is unique and comparing your sex life to others can be misleading. While statistics might suggest that a low sex drive is more common than you think, it’s essential to focus on your intimacy and understand the causes.

1. Physical Changes
   As we age, our bodies go through significant changes. For women, menopause can lead to a decrease in libido due to hormonal shifts. Vaginal dryness, discomfort during sex, or a decline in sexual desire can all contribute to a reduction in intimacy.
2. Health Issues
   Chronic health problems, such as diabetes, heart disease, or arthritis, can affect sexual desire and performance. Medications for these conditions may also have side effects that lower libido.
3. Emotional Distance
   Over the years, couples can grow emotionally distant. Stress, unresolved conflicts, or a lack of communication can erode the emotional bond, which in turn, impacts physical intimacy.
4. Busy Lifestyles
   For many women over 50, life is full—caring for aging parents, maintaining a career, or dealing with teens or adult children can leave little energy for intimacy.
5. Comfort and Routine
   Long-term marriages often fall into a routine that feels comfortable but can lack the spark of earlier years. This can make it easy for couples to deprioritize sex.

How To Reviving a Sexless Marriage

Experts emphasize the importance of understanding that a sexless marriage doesn’t have to signal the end of intimacy. Dr. Margaret Paul, a relationship expert and psychologist, notes, “Physical intimacy is only one aspect of a relationship. As we age, emotional intimacy can take on an even greater significance. Couples can still experience closeness and connection without frequent sexual activity.”

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a renowned sociologist and sexologist, also points out that communication is key: “Many couples avoid talking about their sexual needs as they get older, either out of embarrassment or fear of hurting their partner’s feelings. However, open dialogue is essential. If physical changes or health issues are affecting your sex life, discussing these with your partner and healthcare provider can lead to effective solutions.”

An open communication can help. The first step is to talk about it. It might be uncomfortable, but discussing your feelings with your partner can open the door to understanding and resolution. Your partner might often feel the same way but is unsure how to bring it up.

For those dealing with the emotional side of a sexless marriage, Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therapist, suggests focusing on non-sexual forms of intimacy. “Holding hands, giving each other massages, or simply spending quiet time together can help maintain a close bond. It’s also important to explore what ‘intimacy’ means to both partners and find ways to meet each other’s needs.”

So, just as you would prioritize time for work, family, and hobbies, make intimacy a priority. This doesn’t mean you have to schedule sex, but finding moments to connect—whether it’s a touch, a kiss, or a cuddle—can keep the flame alive.

If physical changes or health issues are the cause, then consulting with a healthcare provider is essential. They can offer solutions like hormone replacement therapy, lubricants, or medication adjustments to improve your situation.

Remember, It’s Normal

It’s important to remember that experiencing a lull in your sexual relationship is not uncommon, especially as you age. Over the years, it will have its highs and lows, including in the bedroom. But with patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt, you can continue to enjoy a fulfilling and intimate relationship, even in the later stages of life. What’s more, every couple is different, and what matters most is finding a balance that works for both of you.

In case the issues run deeper and require professional help, then couples counselling or sex therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and find practical solutions.

Intimacy is not solely about sex; it’s about connection, affection, and understanding each other’s needs. After all, love, in all its forms, is ageless.